I don't know about you but what I desire to "be" when I "grow up" continually changes...
When I was 8 I wanted to be a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner...(however you might spell that)...then an Optometrist (aka an eye doctor)...then a Nascar driver (speed is fun)...then at one point I thought about being a teacher (then I realized I wouldn't have a subject to teach)...owning a business sounded fun, or working my way up, either way (this has been the most recent goal)...
I never cease to be amazed at how the Lord changes the desires of our hearts as we grow in our relationship with Him. I love when my will or what I think is my will, aligns with His...and His desires and my desires begin to mesh beautifully together. My latest aspiration is to work until I have a child...then my child becomes my work. I want to be an amazing mother that cooks fabulous meals and invites old dear friends over to fellowship with. I want to laugh with them, cry with them, pray with them...serve my husband, pray for my family so devotedly...
I know it won't always be a perfect picture, or easy by any means, but all the more reason to cling together with the Lord as our guide (James 1:2-4). Today in chapel we talked about what it looks like to be a godly woman and I left just so encouraged and empowered to spend more time in the word and more time on my knees before the Lord. I hope you got the same.
I pray the Lord uses me to be a Proverbs 31 woman...
10.27.2010
10.19.2010
The Escape
The welcoming of a familiar face...the embrace of a dear friend...the familiar face anticipating every need I might have...my favorite little table-the one in the corner that sits unusually high but gets the greatest view...the warm lighting that makes any stranger feel at home...the specifically chosen music that perfectly illustrates the uniqueness of each individual behind the counter...
This place is much more than a coffee shop, it is near and dear to my heart. I have gathered here with my friends over the past eight years and when I allow my mind to be consumed by it I see a real of film playing through the different scenes and emotions. When life's crazy antics become too pressing-I escape. This place is one full of endearment from those behind the counter to the those whom I am blessed to be accompanied by. This place has served as a medium for amazing times spent with lifelong friends, endless times filled with laughter, the inescapable tears of joy and tears of heartache, a place where I can study for those too long procrastinated assignments, a place where when I am burdened by so many thoughts swirling through my head I can escape and pound them out in the movement of my wrist along the pages...this place consumes my thoughts with incredibly blessed memories. This place is more than just a coffee shop, it is a fond memory. A memory filled with memories...of years gone by.
This place is much more than a coffee shop, you have served your community well. You provided a venue for intimate and personal encounters, with an endearing connection from those behind the counter to those whom walk through the door. Never lose that.
Sometimes people ask me why I go there so often, and so one day I finally sat down and really thought about it. I now know why...
This place is much more than a coffee shop, it is near and dear to my heart. I have gathered here with my friends over the past eight years and when I allow my mind to be consumed by it I see a real of film playing through the different scenes and emotions. When life's crazy antics become too pressing-I escape. This place is one full of endearment from those behind the counter to the those whom I am blessed to be accompanied by. This place has served as a medium for amazing times spent with lifelong friends, endless times filled with laughter, the inescapable tears of joy and tears of heartache, a place where I can study for those too long procrastinated assignments, a place where when I am burdened by so many thoughts swirling through my head I can escape and pound them out in the movement of my wrist along the pages...this place consumes my thoughts with incredibly blessed memories. This place is more than just a coffee shop, it is a fond memory. A memory filled with memories...of years gone by.
This place is much more than a coffee shop, you have served your community well. You provided a venue for intimate and personal encounters, with an endearing connection from those behind the counter to those whom walk through the door. Never lose that.
Sometimes people ask me why I go there so often, and so one day I finally sat down and really thought about it. I now know why...
Chiseled
It has been far too long, and that is all I have to say about that.
Life, what God's been up to, the challenges, the encouragements, the love, the people...the endless life lessons....lately I feel as though I am a little piece of wood being chiseled away by God's whittle. I have no clue where to begin to write because it has been, as said above, far too long...so for some reason I feel led to just give the key words/phrases....
-My souls depravity=making me so aware of my need for God
-The more God uses me for the purpose of others, the less selfish I become
-Selfishness vs Selflessness
-Pure love, unconditional love, free of expectations/achievements
-Learning more and more each day lived is not about me or what I may think I want
-Pray without ceasing
-Process of sanctification
-Awareness of the battle and eternity that souls may spend in hell if intentionality isn't lived out, not that I can bring salvation, but God can use me to plant seeds to bring others to that point of desperation for Christ in their lives
-Life in private matching life in public, but really...life in public matching life in private (think about that one)....so often the emphasis is put on how much sin & depravity we live out when we are in private that we would never publicly make aware....however, what if the emphasis was put on how we live out life publicly matching how we live privately...I feel like that is more of a "hope" statement...if you live your life publicly loving on others and praying, demonstrating selflessness and generosity for others to see, but in private you are seeking self-gratification, etc....I don't know...it makes sense in my head
-member those cheesy WWJD bracelets...man, that thought carries so much weight with me lately...seriously, in EVERY situation if I take the time to consider what Jesus would have done or how He would have responded....hmmm
Until next time.
Live life intentionally.
Love others.
Pray constantly.
Life, what God's been up to, the challenges, the encouragements, the love, the people...the endless life lessons....lately I feel as though I am a little piece of wood being chiseled away by God's whittle. I have no clue where to begin to write because it has been, as said above, far too long...so for some reason I feel led to just give the key words/phrases....
-My souls depravity=making me so aware of my need for God
-The more God uses me for the purpose of others, the less selfish I become
-Selfishness vs Selflessness
-Pure love, unconditional love, free of expectations/achievements
-Learning more and more each day lived is not about me or what I may think I want
-Pray without ceasing
-Process of sanctification
-Awareness of the battle and eternity that souls may spend in hell if intentionality isn't lived out, not that I can bring salvation, but God can use me to plant seeds to bring others to that point of desperation for Christ in their lives
-Life in private matching life in public, but really...life in public matching life in private (think about that one)....so often the emphasis is put on how much sin & depravity we live out when we are in private that we would never publicly make aware....however, what if the emphasis was put on how we live out life publicly matching how we live privately...I feel like that is more of a "hope" statement...if you live your life publicly loving on others and praying, demonstrating selflessness and generosity for others to see, but in private you are seeking self-gratification, etc....I don't know...it makes sense in my head
-member those cheesy WWJD bracelets...man, that thought carries so much weight with me lately...seriously, in EVERY situation if I take the time to consider what Jesus would have done or how He would have responded....hmmm
Until next time.
Live life intentionally.
Love others.
Pray constantly.
6.16.2010
Friday, June 11th
A journal entry that brought forth reflection...usually it's the opposite ;) please read...
Last Friday, June 11th we woke bright and early and you drove 4 1/2 hours south and I drove 5 hours north with the parentals. The day was perfect. Location did not matter, all I wanted was to be with you, in your presence, spending time together. We could have been in the middle of the desert and I would have been just as excited! It took a little to find you, nerves built, anxiety set in, then, in the middle of the baseball parking lot, there you were! More handsome than ever, and I fell more in love with you. The rest of the details of the day begin to run together in my mind, but we held hands like giddy 13 year olds holding hands with their first boyfriend/girlfriend. I pray we never lose that. We smiled, and laughed, you held me close, you provided for me, I couldn't get enough of your presence-of your love. I was so gluttonous, ha! And as the day came to a close we met up with my parents in the 'Italian District' in St. Louie called The Hill. We all ate dinner, and conversed, but we all knew the time was coming for us to separate again but noone was going to say it. We held hands under the table. For me, I wanted to hold onto every last bit of you that I could up till that final moment.
Time progressed and there we were, two young kids in love, walking along the streetside, awaiting the inevitable. We held hands, we held eachother, you gave me a piggy back ride and I kissed your cheek right by your little mole that I adore. Time to go. It was a great day. I love you sweetheart until next time our paths cross, which who knows, only God!
....Now as I wrote that in my journal, I became convicted...that love that I have for Brett..that anxiousness to spend time with him, where I didn't care where I was or what I was doing, that I just wanted to be in his presence and so desparately spend time with him...I sometimes lose sight of that with the Lord. I sometimes lose sight of that with Brett too though. And once again, God brought me to my knees and I fell more in love with Him. He began through that conviction to re-priortize His place in my life, and for that I am so thankful. I never want to be more in love with anything or anyone more than I am with the Lover and Savior of my soul!!
Last Friday, June 11th we woke bright and early and you drove 4 1/2 hours south and I drove 5 hours north with the parentals. The day was perfect. Location did not matter, all I wanted was to be with you, in your presence, spending time together. We could have been in the middle of the desert and I would have been just as excited! It took a little to find you, nerves built, anxiety set in, then, in the middle of the baseball parking lot, there you were! More handsome than ever, and I fell more in love with you. The rest of the details of the day begin to run together in my mind, but we held hands like giddy 13 year olds holding hands with their first boyfriend/girlfriend. I pray we never lose that. We smiled, and laughed, you held me close, you provided for me, I couldn't get enough of your presence-of your love. I was so gluttonous, ha! And as the day came to a close we met up with my parents in the 'Italian District' in St. Louie called The Hill. We all ate dinner, and conversed, but we all knew the time was coming for us to separate again but noone was going to say it. We held hands under the table. For me, I wanted to hold onto every last bit of you that I could up till that final moment.
Time progressed and there we were, two young kids in love, walking along the streetside, awaiting the inevitable. We held hands, we held eachother, you gave me a piggy back ride and I kissed your cheek right by your little mole that I adore. Time to go. It was a great day. I love you sweetheart until next time our paths cross, which who knows, only God!
....Now as I wrote that in my journal, I became convicted...that love that I have for Brett..that anxiousness to spend time with him, where I didn't care where I was or what I was doing, that I just wanted to be in his presence and so desparately spend time with him...I sometimes lose sight of that with the Lord. I sometimes lose sight of that with Brett too though. And once again, God brought me to my knees and I fell more in love with Him. He began through that conviction to re-priortize His place in my life, and for that I am so thankful. I never want to be more in love with anything or anyone more than I am with the Lover and Savior of my soul!!
5.25.2010
"The Heart Set To Do The Father's Will Need Never Fear Defeat"
This past year has been nothing but a whirlwind and fluctuation of emotions, thoughts, occuring events...but one thing always remains constant, my God. Summer allows for some time to unwind from the rigorous day to day schedule that can be seemingly mundane. Not really sure what I will do without a summer break after I graduate next year, I have had one for the past 17 years of my life...hmm.
I am currently reading "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot, if you have not already read this book you should (male or female), its grand. Some quotes from the book that perhaps will heighten your level of intrigue...
"If there is an Enemy of Souls (and I have not the slighest doubt that there is), one thing he cannot abide is the desire for purity. Hence a man or woman's passions become his battleground...The Lover of Souls does not prevent this....He wants us to learn to use our weapons."
"Until the will and the affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not begun to understand, let alone to accept, His Lordship."
"If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."
hmm more to come
I am currently reading "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot, if you have not already read this book you should (male or female), its grand. Some quotes from the book that perhaps will heighten your level of intrigue...
"If there is an Enemy of Souls (and I have not the slighest doubt that there is), one thing he cannot abide is the desire for purity. Hence a man or woman's passions become his battleground...The Lover of Souls does not prevent this....He wants us to learn to use our weapons."
"Until the will and the affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not begun to understand, let alone to accept, His Lordship."
"If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."
hmm more to come
4.22.2010
Road Map
Many thoughts streaming through my head as I sit at this lifted table against the back window of my school library. With all the rain that we have had, its gorgeous outside. The blinds were basically yelling at me to be opened, I think they wanted to be able to see out just as much as I did....
I kind of want to write about the voice behind the pages of a journal. The essence of journaling. The tangible pages that make up a journal and a lifetime of memories, ideas, pain, struggle, joy....
I kind of want to write about how we go through life from birth till we graduate college (if you so choose that route) with life being programmed for us. Then we get to the end of the road map that's been laid out and we freak out because the next step is no longer chosen for us, we have to choose. But we never learned to choose. We have been told since a wee age to go to school, graduate from high school, go to college, graduate from college...then what? For those that weren't encouraged to graduate from high school or college, I wonder what their thought pattern looks like....
I kind of think that I am hindered due to all of my contemplation. I think every thing out so thoroughly that I am stifled. I see the consequences, I see the benefits, and I sit here and observe everyone else doing life while I am afraid to fail, so I do nothing. However, I am always here for a good word of advice or just to listen because I see and think about everything going on, I just never am the one that does it. Oh geez I just opened up a whole new can of worms...
I kind of want to write about the voice behind the pages of a journal. The essence of journaling. The tangible pages that make up a journal and a lifetime of memories, ideas, pain, struggle, joy....
I kind of want to write about how we go through life from birth till we graduate college (if you so choose that route) with life being programmed for us. Then we get to the end of the road map that's been laid out and we freak out because the next step is no longer chosen for us, we have to choose. But we never learned to choose. We have been told since a wee age to go to school, graduate from high school, go to college, graduate from college...then what? For those that weren't encouraged to graduate from high school or college, I wonder what their thought pattern looks like....
I kind of think that I am hindered due to all of my contemplation. I think every thing out so thoroughly that I am stifled. I see the consequences, I see the benefits, and I sit here and observe everyone else doing life while I am afraid to fail, so I do nothing. However, I am always here for a good word of advice or just to listen because I see and think about everything going on, I just never am the one that does it. Oh geez I just opened up a whole new can of worms...
4.17.2010
Without Ceasing
I read this at starbucks this morning on a little bench enjoying the brisk air and the company of strangers....
"All these were continually united in prayer" (Acts 1:14)
A simple phrase made up of 7 words....with an extremely powerful message. Continually united in prayer. Geez, continually, as in always. United, with fellow believers. Prayer, nonetheless.
That short statement put my flesh in check so fast. I found it to be extremely convicting...
Con-tin-u-al-ly
–adverb
1. very often; at regular or frequent intervals; habitually.
2. without cessation or intermission; unceasingly; always.
U-nit-ed
-adjective
1. made into or caused to act as a single entity: a united front.
"All these were continually united in prayer" (Acts 1:14)
A simple phrase made up of 7 words....with an extremely powerful message. Continually united in prayer. Geez, continually, as in always. United, with fellow believers. Prayer, nonetheless.
That short statement put my flesh in check so fast. I found it to be extremely convicting...
Con-tin-u-al-ly
–adverb
1. very often; at regular or frequent intervals; habitually.
2. without cessation or intermission; unceasingly; always.
U-nit-ed
-adjective
1. made into or caused to act as a single entity: a united front.
