Release

I don't really know anyone that does....but I really hate when my dirt, you know my issues, start to surface. It seems like one day after the next things just keep coming up that make me realize how weak I am in so many areas that I need to give to God. It's good in a way...but it makes everyday that much harder to get through without dependance on Him. The obvious answer is to run to the Lord, but the underlying problem is that I don't like for others (including the Lord) to see my 'junk'. That's pride...I'm aware, which is exactly what I was talking about above...meaning my dirt that I need to give to God.

Day in and day out, I am getting my butt kicked with life lessons. Most days I can handle it, today isn't one of those days...I've recently been learning that telling people your weaknesses, struggles, hurts, is a way to allow people in to develop a deeper relationship with you...for some reason I never knew that. Why would you want to talk about that stuff? It still doesn't exactly make sense to me...but I'm working on it, because evidently it is necessary to develop healthy relationships.

I think the underlying reason to me not ever airing out my stuff to friends is that I have an issue with, well, 1. trust and 2. feeling like I'm burdening people.

That's a mindset I've had for 21 years and it is going to take a LONG while to work through... I apologize if I always come off as so strong, accomplished, confident, or whatever else I put off. Fact of the matter is, I'm just like everyone else...weak, self-conscious, emotional...blah blah blah....all those things I would rather not talk about. Don't ever think that I'm not hurting just because I hide it better than most....fact of the matter is, everyone needs people to understand what they are going through. (Even the ones that act like they don't)