Exhale slowly.

I just got a new job with 24 Hour Fitness, which I am sooooo incredibly thankful that the Lord provided a job! 8 months without a job was nearly making me insane, not to mention the financial stress of it all. But man, all that waiting truly made me more dependent on the Lord than I think I have ever been, Brett and I both. It's both of our prayers that the dependence is something that continues even though our situation doesn't seem as desperate, but our souls are still.

Went through elementary school-check.
Graduated High School-check.
Graduated college-check.

Now what?

I ask myself that nearly every day. My soul is delighted by the fact that the Lord knows and I just have to be still and listen. Sometimes that being still part is incredibly difficult! I started reviewing my student loan repayment information today, realized that my front tires are incredibly bald, and figured out how much I'll be making monthly. Needless to say I suddenly got overwhelmed. But as I look back on the 23 years of my life I realize how many times I got overwhelmed, and evidentially I made it out okay because I am sitting on my bed with this laptop writing this post. Deep breath, exhale. Everything's going to be okay. It always is! The Lord ALWAYS makes a way.

Day by day, trusting in Him, everything will be okay. Perhaps not easy, but it will be okay! Praise the Lord for His promises!!

Hi.

I haven't written in ages, not sure as to why that is. Regardless, the other day I had a revelation! I realize that as people and Christians we are constantly caught up in what's next in life and what our plan is, what life after college looks like for you, etc. Here is where the revelation takes place, as Christians shouldn't we be even MORE aware of the fact that we don't have to have a plan. Not having a plan is BEAUTIFUL in a very uncomfortable kind of way. It leaves an incredible amount of room for God to move.

I can be the first to say that my life has been nothing short of completely opposite of what I planned, hoped, and expected-but all that to say, God has definitely been orchestrating the events to a "T". It has been hard, stressful, uncomfortable, it has brought me to my knees in prayer due to being at a complete loss for what to do.

All that to say, stop asking each other "what's next?" or "what do you want to do after you graduate?". Granted those are fine questions, but instead I think it would be way more encouraging and less stressful to the individual being asked to approach the situation differently. Perhaps by asking, "so where do you think God will take you next?". Because isn't that the reality of the situation? It's not about what we want, it's about our will aligning with Christ's and us following through with that. It's the beauty of being fully submitted to the Lord.

Controversy at it's Finest

Friends, I ask you to not allow ignorance to be bliss...please consider what I feel so convicted to say. 

Contraceptions in the Christian marriage are so readily used, and honestly, used without much thought.  Aren't contraceptions "playing God"? People/couples often say, "well I want to get married, but I am not ready for children yet, so we are just being responsible by ______ (fill in the blank with "taking the pill"/"condoms"/etc). 

A few questions to consider:

1. Where is the faith in God and the trust in God that He will bless you with a child in His perfect timing? 
2. How is enjoying the pleasure of sex without the responsibility of sex godly? 
3. Or rather, how does it bring glory to God or sanctify your marriage?

If you don't want to make it about God, then do the research on "the pill" and all of its side affects before you choose to frequently take it. 

I know this is a touchy subject, but lets be real here...too often these subjects go unaddressed among Christians or Christians that do not receive discipling in any form.  I pray that you would seek scripture and it's view on this subject.  Also, that Christians would stop letting the touchy subject slide under the rug and go so quickly dismissed because we don't want to step on each other's toes. 

Love you all, 

Me (:  

.And That Has Made All The Difference.

I haven't blogged in a while, figured it's about that time again.  All I really have to say that is I am so thankful for the journey!! As I near graduation, just a few short months away, I am overwhelmed by God's goodness and faithfulness.  I can't imagine my life taking a different path had I chosen to go to the University of Arkansas, life would look so much differently than it does today. 


We read a poem last semester in an english class, and I can't help but think about how much that poem rings true for me. 

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference. 

-Robert Frost-

When everything in me wanted to run, the Lord kept confirming to me that "For I know the plans I have for you--this is the Lord's declaration--plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" Jer. 29:11.  And so often we hear that verse and quit reading but if you continue, it just blows me away that I serve such a loving God.  "You will call to Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart" Jer. 29:12-13.  

Praise God for provision in my life, that I could never foresee but He knew and allowed to be. The friendships that challenged my walk with God, that encouraged me to see things from a new perspective, that pulled me out of complacency, for Brett Kenneth Alden-the only man I ever want to be with, that the Lord so uniquely designed to compliment my every area of weakness...for my new found appreciation for my family and friends at home, to learning how to live an intentional lifestyle, and most of all...just how to trust the Lord and have faith in Him, and Him alone. 

Kennedy Goodness

Sitting at kennedy, forgot a pen, however I did remember my journal...which presents quite a problem...resulting in my need to blog.  Need to journal some how! :) 


First of all, I'm sitting at my favorite local coffee shop and it's decked out for the season. Poinsettias are beautifully dispersed throughout, there are icicle lights hanging from the ceiling...it's quite lovely. Another thing great about this place, in the past 3 days of being here, I have seen over 4 men reading scripture and accompanying texts.  Oh bible belt, how I missed you.  Such a beautiful thing to see men reading and studying scripture, Praise God!!! 


Had a thought this morning-what if ever time we thought about someone we prayed for them? Prayer is such a powerful thing and is too often forgotten.  


A dear friend of mine told me about how you can download John Pipers books for free from his website, a pdf file.  I've been wanting to read his book "This Momentary Marriage", and now I get to! About 30 pages in, so good, quotes to come. 


This is an A.D.D. blog at its finest, but I'm home for Christmas and its different this time and I love it. 

He is Enough

One of my biggest things lately...well there's a few...but one of them is living a lifestyle of thanksgiving. 


I've been so convicted lately about my lack of thankfulness.  The Lord is so good, and no matter the circumstances I should be thankful and praising His name, because goodness knows He has already worked it out to bring Himself glory-and shouldn't that be enough?


I'm not quite sure what my deal is, but lately everything brings me to tears.  I was telling Brett today on our car ride to La Jolla about a story of something that occurred at work last night and I was overwhelmed by the joy of the Lord.  The Lord's faithfulness, provision, and just goodness in general has overtaken me and the result-tears of joy.  Work has been such an incredible opportunity for me to live out what I say I believe (James 1:22-24 status).  Praise God for His provision!!! 




 1.      the act of giving thanks; grateful acknowledgment ofbenefits or favors, esp. to god.

2.

an expression of thanks, esp. to God.

3.

a public celebration in acknowledgment of divine favor orkindness.

4.

a day set apart for giving thanks to God.

Home, I'm ready for you.

I don't know how I continually get to this point, time and time again.  The point where I realize that I have been trying to manage to get by in life on my own, days where I forget to surrender and give my flesh to the Lord. 


Praise God for His grace though!!! Immeasurable, unattainable, but continual grace....that is so undeserving but thats what makes it such an incredible gift. 


When life gets busy, my time with the Lord dwindles...which means everything else starts to wilt as well. Im in that spot again, but so thankful that in 2 weeks, 2 weeks from today to be exact I get to go home.  I get to escape from the routine for a while and spend as much time with the Lord as I want.  I won't be busy with school, work, and other such obligations...ahh I'm so excited. I pray the Lord teaches me to seek Him even in the crazy times....


Ive been told numerous times that I won't always have time to spend as much "time" with the Lord as I need or want or He deserves...but that I just have to walk in the spirit throughout the day, and pray without ceasing. And I get that...and I hear where those people are coming from...but if you know anything at all about me, you know that I love one on one time-quality time, that is intimately and deeply spent. I need actual tangible time to sit and rest at the feet of my Savior and dwell in His goodness. 


Home, I'm ready for you. 

Not My Will but Thine

I don't know about you but what I desire to "be" when I "grow up" continually changes...


When I was 8 I wanted to be a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner...(however you might spell that)...then an Optometrist (aka an eye doctor)...then a Nascar driver (speed is fun)...then at one point I thought about being a teacher (then I realized I wouldn't have a subject to teach)...owning a business sounded fun, or working my way up, either way (this has been the most recent goal)...


I never cease to be amazed at how the Lord changes the desires of our hearts as we grow in our relationship with Him. I love when my will or what I think is my will, aligns with His...and His desires and my desires begin to mesh beautifully together. My latest aspiration is to work until I have a child...then my child becomes my work. I want to be an amazing mother that cooks fabulous meals and invites old dear friends over to fellowship with. I want to laugh with them, cry with them, pray with them...serve my husband, pray for my family so devotedly...


I know it won't always be a perfect picture, or easy by any means, but all the more reason to cling together with the Lord as our guide (James 1:2-4). Today in chapel we talked about what it looks like to be a godly woman and I left just so encouraged and empowered to spend more time in the word and more time on my knees before the Lord. I hope you got the same. 


I pray the Lord uses me to be a Proverbs 31 woman...

The Escape

 The welcoming of a familiar face...the embrace of a dear friend...the familiar face anticipating every need I might have...my favorite little table-the one in the corner that sits unusually high but gets the greatest view...the warm lighting that makes any stranger feel at home...the specifically chosen music that perfectly illustrates the uniqueness of each individual behind the counter...


This place is much more than a coffee shop, it is near and dear to my heart. I have gathered here with my friends over the past eight years and when I allow my mind to be consumed by it I see a real of film playing through the different scenes and emotions. When life's crazy antics become too pressing-I escape.  This place is one full of endearment from those behind the counter to the those whom I am blessed to be accompanied by. This place has served as a medium for amazing times spent with lifelong friends, endless times filled with laughter, the inescapable tears of joy and tears of heartache, a place where I can study for those too long procrastinated assignments, a place where when I am burdened by so many thoughts swirling through my head I can escape and pound them out in the movement of my wrist along the pages...this place consumes my thoughts with incredibly blessed memories. This place is more than just a coffee shop, it is a fond memory. A memory filled with memories...of years gone by. 


This place is much more than a coffee shop, you have served your community well.  You provided a venue for intimate and personal encounters, with an endearing connection from those behind the counter to those whom walk through the door.  Never lose that. 


Sometimes people ask me why I go there so often, and so one day I finally sat down and really thought about it.  I now know why...

Chiseled

It has been far too long, and that is all I have to say about that.

Life, what God's been up to, the challenges, the encouragements, the love, the people...the endless life lessons....lately I feel as though I am a little piece of wood being chiseled away by God's whittle.  I have no clue where to begin to write because it has been, as said above, far too long...so for some reason I feel led to just give the key words/phrases....

-My souls depravity=making me so aware of my need for God
-The more God uses me for the purpose of others, the less selfish I become
-Selfishness vs Selflessness
-Pure love, unconditional love, free of expectations/achievements
-Learning more and more each day lived is not about me or what I may think I want
-Pray without ceasing
-Process of sanctification
-Awareness of the battle and eternity that souls may spend in hell if intentionality isn't lived out, not that I can bring salvation, but God can use me to plant seeds to bring others to that point of desperation for Christ in their lives
-Life in private matching life in public, but really...life in public matching life in private (think about that one)....so often the emphasis is put on how much sin & depravity we live out when we are in private that we would never publicly make aware....however, what if the emphasis was put on how we live out life publicly matching how we live privately...I feel like that is more of a "hope" statement...if you live your life publicly loving on others and praying, demonstrating selflessness and generosity for others to see, but  in private you are seeking self-gratification, etc....I don't know...it makes sense in my head
-member those cheesy WWJD bracelets...man, that thought carries so much weight with me lately...seriously, in EVERY situation if I take the time to consider what Jesus would have done or how He would have responded....hmmm

Until next time.
Live life intentionally.
Love others.
Pray constantly.

Friday, June 11th

A journal entry that brought forth reflection...usually it's the opposite ;) please read...

Last Friday, June 11th we woke bright and early and you drove 4 1/2 hours south and I drove 5 hours north with the parentals. The day was perfect. Location did not matter, all I wanted was to be with you, in your presence, spending time together. We could have been in the middle of the desert and I would have been just as excited! It took a little to find you, nerves built, anxiety set in, then, in the middle of the baseball parking lot, there you were! More handsome than ever, and I fell more in love with you. The rest of the details of the day begin to run together in my mind, but we held hands like giddy 13 year olds holding hands with their first boyfriend/girlfriend. I pray we never lose that. We smiled, and laughed, you held me close, you provided for me, I couldn't get enough of your presence-of your love. I was so gluttonous, ha! And as the day came to a close we met up with my parents in the 'Italian District' in St. Louie called The Hill. We all ate dinner, and conversed, but we all knew the time was coming for us to separate again but noone was going to say it. We held hands under the table. For me, I wanted to hold onto every last bit of you that I could up till that final moment.

Time progressed and there we were, two young kids in love, walking along the streetside, awaiting the inevitable. We held hands, we held eachother, you gave me a piggy back ride and I kissed your cheek right by your little mole that I adore. Time to go. It was a great day. I love you sweetheart until next time our paths cross, which who knows, only God!

....Now as I wrote that in my journal, I became convicted...that love that I have for Brett..that anxiousness to spend time with him, where I didn't care where I was or what I was doing, that I just wanted to be in his presence and so desparately spend time with him...I sometimes lose sight of that with the Lord. I sometimes lose sight of that with Brett too though. And once again, God brought me to my knees and I fell more in love with Him. He began through that conviction to re-priortize His place in my life, and for that I am so thankful. I never want to be more in love with anything or anyone more than I am with the Lover and Savior of my soul!!

"The Heart Set To Do The Father's Will Need Never Fear Defeat"

This past year has been nothing but a whirlwind and fluctuation of emotions, thoughts, occuring events...but one thing always remains constant, my God.  Summer allows for some time to unwind from the rigorous day to day schedule that can be seemingly mundane.  Not really sure what I will do without a summer break after I graduate next year, I have had one for the past 17 years of my life...hmm.

I am currently reading "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot, if you have not already read this book you should (male or female), its grand.  Some quotes from the book that perhaps will heighten your level of intrigue...

        "If there is an Enemy of Souls (and I have not the slighest doubt that there is), one thing he cannot abide is the desire for purity. Hence a man or woman's passions become his battleground...The Lover of Souls does not prevent this....He wants us to learn to use our weapons."

        "Until the will and the affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not begun to understand, let alone to accept, His Lordship."

        "If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."

hmm more to come

Road Map

Many thoughts streaming through my head as I sit at this lifted table against the back window of my school library. With all the rain that we have had, its gorgeous outside. The blinds were basically yelling at me to be opened, I think they wanted to be able to see out just as much as I did....

I kind of want to write about the voice behind the pages of a journal. The essence of journaling. The tangible pages that make up a journal and a lifetime of memories, ideas, pain, struggle, joy....

I kind of want to write about how we go through life from birth till we graduate college (if you so choose that route) with life being programmed for us. Then we get to the end of the road map that's been laid out and we freak out because the next step is no longer chosen for us, we have to choose. But we never learned to choose. We have been told since a wee age to go to school, graduate from high school, go to college, graduate from college...then what? For those that weren't encouraged to graduate from high school or college, I wonder what their thought pattern looks like....

I kind of think that I am hindered due to all of my contemplation. I think every thing out so thoroughly that I am stifled. I see the consequences, I see the benefits, and I sit here and observe everyone else doing life while I am afraid to fail, so I do nothing. However, I am always here for a good word of advice or just to listen because I see and think about everything going on, I just never am the one that does it. Oh geez I just opened up a whole new can of worms...

Without Ceasing

I read this at starbucks this morning on a little bench enjoying the brisk air and the company of strangers....

"All these were continually united in prayer" (Acts 1:14)
A simple phrase made up of 7 words....with an extremely powerful message. Continually united in prayer. Geez, continually, as in always. United, with fellow believers. Prayer, nonetheless.

That short statement put my flesh in check so fast. I found it to be extremely convicting...

Con-tin-u-al-ly
–adverb

1.  very often; at regular or frequent intervals; habitually.
2.  without cessation or intermission; unceasingly; always.

U-nit-ed
-adjective
1.  made into or caused to act as a single entity:  a united front.

Fake it Till You Make it...?

We live in a world with this mentality of fake it till you make it no matter what the situation. If you don't know what you are doing or if you aren't necessarily the best at something appear like you are until you convince everyone or until you actually become just that good at it.


Right before I crashed in bed the other night, this concept replayed randomly in my mind. I quickly equated it to our walks with the Lord. I was soooo tired though that I repeated it several times in my head, hoping the next day I would wake up and be able to recall it so that I could write this blog. I was too exhausted and too lazy just to type a brief little note in my phone as a reminder, so the repitition and the praying that the Lord would remind me the following day was going to have to do the trick!


Clearly I remembered...even though this is days later.


Basically though, I feel like that same mentality has infiltrated our being and even our walks with the Lord. We fake our walk with the Lord till its believable. This results in a lack of accountability, because to everyone else it looks like we are just where we are supposed to be. Keyword there though, 'looks'. With a little digging one could easily find that these people are broken.


I'll probably expand on this later...but this is getting long.

Narnia

Yesterday was one of those days were every inhale of fresh air felt like new life being breathed into me. It was one of those days were the Lord restored every inkling of my being that had been drained through the course of the semester. I felt like myself. From the moment I rose out of bed, I was in communion with the Lord till the moment when my head finally rested on that pillow again. It was a beautiful day full of conversations about the Lord. Not just the ones that allow you to feel encouraged and complacent but the ones that leave you feeling encouraged and challenged to grow.

Yesterday I drove with a friend down to Peets in Hillcrest. Coffee in a house cup sounded delightful, so that was the initial reason for going, but the result of it ended up being so much greater than just a cup of coffee and an awesome friend to converse with. I got to be myself, ask questions, listen, ask more questions, listen...drink coffee while the moon just barely came out in the dark sky. Loud 'clubbish' sounding music was playing at a nearby restaurant.

There is so much more I felt and thought, but the words are unable to be verbalized. But this verse brings me so much joy...."Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful" John 14:27

The Lord does NOT give to us as the world does, geez, He blows my mind.

Caught In the Rip Tide

It is so easy to go through the motions of the day. See the same people you always see and let moments of opportunity pass you by. It's that time in the year again where I begin reflecting on months passed by and I start analyzing the good, the bad, and the ugly. I walked into the bathroom this morning. I saw a few girls that reside in the same hall as me. Natural response, "hey, how are you?"...but as I continued my journey to the stall I wanted to ask something deeper, "truly, what's going on in your life?"..."who is someone that has impacted your life, why do you look up to them?"...

I flushed the toilet, left the stall, and did nothing.

And I sit here days later, analyzing my actions and thoughts, and am appaulled by my lack of willingness to be used by God lately. I am such a selfish being, and I am so aware. God makes me so aware and convicts me nearly every time. Where is my head lately? I feel like it's in the clouds just floating along. I feel stifled by the enemy.

I feel like I'm caught in a rip tide that keeps getting pushed further out in the abyss and the shore is slipping out of sight. But then the Lord gives me verses like in James where it says "may the testing of your faith produce endurance. Endurance must do its complete work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing". Hope.

Soapbox.

I wrote this note in my phone, and I don't feel like further expanding on the idea for the time being. So here the note is...in a very raw form...

Compartmentalizing God for the sake of the human finite mind to attempt to comprehend God's greatness. But when searching for answers and proofs don't we take away the mystery of who God is? When we reason things out it takes less faith to believe. Why in the world would we want reason and logic over faith and mystery? That in itself seems illogical. Debates over Armeniansism verse Calvinism drive me crazy. Yes study God's greatness, He is truly amazing. But don't put God in a small box restricted by the confines and limitedness of our minds and understanding.

That is all.

Summer 2010 Style

1. Read lots of books
2. Learn how to cook
3. Work a lot/save a lot
4. Spend time with Josh and Daniel
5. Write
6. Have good convos with as many ppl as God has me encounter
7. Discover a new depth in my relationship with the Lord
8. Try to get a camera and get that ball rolling
9. Look for new hobbies

Part 2: All 'A' Honor Roll

Where has this all left me today?
  Thankful for the Lord and His enlightenment.

It's a weird thing to go from being extremely task oriented to realizing you have options and knowing that you will be loved no matter what. I knew the Lord loved me regardless, and I am so thankful for that, but that verse about not doing work for man's approval or for this world, I suppose that didn't fully sink in.

I am experiencing a freedom like I have never felt. But with that, I am just now taking on hobbies that aren't just working my butt off through being a work-a-holic.

I am 22. I have no hobbies other than photography and reading. I don't even have a camera because it scares me to spend that much money when I have so many loans. I hadn't ridden a bike since I was 12 probably until this past year. I haven't enjoyed being in water since I was 12ish or so.

So here I am...with a plethora of options in front of me, all of which, Im eagerly and anxiously wanting to explore.