So much of life is going through situations then a few years down the road really processing what happened, how it shaped you, what thinking has changed because of that circumstance.
I'm starting to realize all the things about myself that I project or say, that are so FAR from the truth and who I really am all for the sake of guarding myself. I think what spurred this specifically today is that I'm beginning to realize how much I don't like constant adjusting, which results from change. I always say I love change, I think I do to an extent, but I'm tired of the constant adjusting in my life right now....
6.30.2009
6.15.2009
Release
I don't really know anyone that does....but I really hate when my dirt, you know my issues, start to surface. It seems like one day after the next things just keep coming up that make me realize how weak I am in so many areas that I need to give to God. It's good in a way...but it makes everyday that much harder to get through without dependance on Him. The obvious answer is to run to the Lord, but the underlying problem is that I don't like for others (including the Lord) to see my 'junk'. That's pride...I'm aware, which is exactly what I was talking about above...meaning my dirt that I need to give to God.
Day in and day out, I am getting my butt kicked with life lessons. Most days I can handle it, today isn't one of those days...I've recently been learning that telling people your weaknesses, struggles, hurts, is a way to allow people in to develop a deeper relationship with you...for some reason I never knew that. Why would you want to talk about that stuff? It still doesn't exactly make sense to me...but I'm working on it, because evidently it is necessary to develop healthy relationships.
I think the underlying reason to me not ever airing out my stuff to friends is that I have an issue with, well, 1. trust and 2. feeling like I'm burdening people.
That's a mindset I've had for 21 years and it is going to take a LONG while to work through... I apologize if I always come off as so strong, accomplished, confident, or whatever else I put off. Fact of the matter is, I'm just like everyone else...weak, self-conscious, emotional...blah blah blah....all those things I would rather not talk about. Don't ever think that I'm not hurting just because I hide it better than most....fact of the matter is, everyone needs people to understand what they are going through. (Even the ones that act like they don't)
Day in and day out, I am getting my butt kicked with life lessons. Most days I can handle it, today isn't one of those days...I've recently been learning that telling people your weaknesses, struggles, hurts, is a way to allow people in to develop a deeper relationship with you...for some reason I never knew that. Why would you want to talk about that stuff? It still doesn't exactly make sense to me...but I'm working on it, because evidently it is necessary to develop healthy relationships.
I think the underlying reason to me not ever airing out my stuff to friends is that I have an issue with, well, 1. trust and 2. feeling like I'm burdening people.
That's a mindset I've had for 21 years and it is going to take a LONG while to work through... I apologize if I always come off as so strong, accomplished, confident, or whatever else I put off. Fact of the matter is, I'm just like everyone else...weak, self-conscious, emotional...blah blah blah....all those things I would rather not talk about. Don't ever think that I'm not hurting just because I hide it better than most....fact of the matter is, everyone needs people to understand what they are going through. (Even the ones that act like they don't)
6.11.2009
Arkansas Storms
Typical Arkansas sunset/sky.....
Neither of these photos have been edited or altered in anyway....this was the sky last night in Arkansas. Praise the Lord for reminders of His goodness and creation.
6.07.2009
Live for Eternity
So this little bloggie is about what my pastor, Ronnie Floyd, talked about in church today. It is far too impactful, and motivating not to be shared. A lot of thoughts are swirling through my head and I have only begun to categorize and understand them...so instead of this being my thoughts, it will be his. I hope they challenge and bless you as much as they did me, because that's the only reason I'm writing this...to tweek your way of thinking, to challenge, motivate, and eventually, spur a change! Or at least that's my hope. :)
2 Timothy 4:6-8 is what passage his sermon was based on.
I'm just going to give the key phrases...and leave the discussion portion of it out...
2 Timothy 4:6-8 is what passage his sermon was based on.
I'm just going to give the key phrases...and leave the discussion portion of it out...
- Live for eternity by GIVING (of yourself)
- Phil. 1:21 "Living is Christ and dying is gain"
- Are you pouring your life out for Jesus Christ? Or for everything in the world that carries no weight? (sports, recreation, careers) You can pour your life out for Christ, and let those be the avenue, but they can't CONSUME who you are.
- "With all that I am & with all that I've had, I have served the Lord!" (that's what Paul was saying in 2 Tim. 4:7)
- All rewards we receive are "in the future" (vs. 8) meaning HEAVEN not earth.
- Earthly rewards burn and die when we do, but heavenly rewards last for an ETERNITY
- At the judgement seat we will be judged on what we did for Christ while on earth and our motive for doing it.
- Focusing on Jesus' future coming will determine your behavior now and your rewards in Heaven.
- LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH AN ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE-->meaning live your life daily like the Lord is coming back that day. We will be quicker to love, slower to argue, be more intentional with every word and action....Paul lived with an eternal perspective. He valued things that were eternal, invested in what is eternal..and not the frivolous things of this earth.
- How would you alter today knowing God is coming tomorrow?
- Why are we SO in love/intrigued by this world? (And live like the world)
- Too often people say that they made a sacrifice, this huge sacrifice, to go and serve the Lord, or because God called them somewhere and they followed resulting in 'sacrifice'. But who made the ULTIMATE sacrifice? Certainly not us....it was God, who gave His perfect son to die for the world so that we may have eternal salvation.
My perspective was slapped back into place today by this message...."Lord I'm amazed by You, how You love me".
6.05.2009
Yesterday....
Yesterday was an incredible day; granted I worked for a pretty long time on my feet, but the conversations yesterday were irreplaceable. Just a little preface....lately I have been struggling a lot with contrasting and overanalyzing california to arkansas, and what that means personally and relationally for me. That's a pretty selfish statement. It was all about "I" and "me"...but yes, that's what has been going through my head for the past month of being home.
Yesterday, though, those world's collided in such a beautifully orchestrated way that could have only been a gift from God. From mid-afternoon at work all the way to midnight last night God was the topic of conversation. What He's doing in our lives? How we are changing and growing...things we are beginning to realize.
Yesterday was a tad bit of a bump on the forehead, but in a good way. I realized how often I'm guilty of living my life for myself and not my creator. I realized how often I get so excited about things of this world (putt putt, hiking, coffee dates) but sometimes I find myself not having that same excitement or appreciation for our Creator. How ridiculous does it sound to appreciate the art but not the artist? He created the art for us to enjoy. How crazy does it sound to appreciate and love the music but not the musician? He created the music for us to enjoy. There's a disconnect there in our thinking. We get pumped about concerts, playing video games, going to razorback football games and calling those hogs. God created, ultimately, ALL of those things for our pleasure. Why can't/don't we have that same excitement for the Lord?
I'll tell you this. I want to! I do some days...but those other ones, those ones that are all about me, those are the days that I need to call on the name of the Lord and REJOICE in Him through all trials and tribulations. The Lord is so0o incredibly good, and we are so, so fallen....but He redeemed that sin at the cross!!
Praise God, thank you Lord for yesterday. It was an incredible breath of fresh air that I have desired so deeply for the past month, but lost touch on how to ask for it. God I pray that you restore my soul, ignite that passion and fire for you. Show me what it truly means to be selfless and serve out of love for others.
I am constantly a work in progress. I feel like I'm not the same person that I was 1 year ago, 6 months ago, or even a few weeks ago. I keep asking for God to mold, shape, and use me for His glory. I am not on this earth for self-gratification...I spent the last 20 years of my life wasting away living that lifestyle. I yearn to know the Lord, I yearn to see people grow and reach a higher potential, I yearn to never stop retaining knowledge and to never stop learning to view things from a new perspective.
"Chains be broken, lives be healed...eyes be opened, Christ is revealed!!!"
Yesterday, though, those world's collided in such a beautifully orchestrated way that could have only been a gift from God. From mid-afternoon at work all the way to midnight last night God was the topic of conversation. What He's doing in our lives? How we are changing and growing...things we are beginning to realize.
Yesterday was a tad bit of a bump on the forehead, but in a good way. I realized how often I'm guilty of living my life for myself and not my creator. I realized how often I get so excited about things of this world (putt putt, hiking, coffee dates) but sometimes I find myself not having that same excitement or appreciation for our Creator. How ridiculous does it sound to appreciate the art but not the artist? He created the art for us to enjoy. How crazy does it sound to appreciate and love the music but not the musician? He created the music for us to enjoy. There's a disconnect there in our thinking. We get pumped about concerts, playing video games, going to razorback football games and calling those hogs. God created, ultimately, ALL of those things for our pleasure. Why can't/don't we have that same excitement for the Lord?
I'll tell you this. I want to! I do some days...but those other ones, those ones that are all about me, those are the days that I need to call on the name of the Lord and REJOICE in Him through all trials and tribulations. The Lord is so0o incredibly good, and we are so, so fallen....but He redeemed that sin at the cross!!
Praise God, thank you Lord for yesterday. It was an incredible breath of fresh air that I have desired so deeply for the past month, but lost touch on how to ask for it. God I pray that you restore my soul, ignite that passion and fire for you. Show me what it truly means to be selfless and serve out of love for others.
I am constantly a work in progress. I feel like I'm not the same person that I was 1 year ago, 6 months ago, or even a few weeks ago. I keep asking for God to mold, shape, and use me for His glory. I am not on this earth for self-gratification...I spent the last 20 years of my life wasting away living that lifestyle. I yearn to know the Lord, I yearn to see people grow and reach a higher potential, I yearn to never stop retaining knowledge and to never stop learning to view things from a new perspective.
"Chains be broken, lives be healed...eyes be opened, Christ is revealed!!!"
6.02.2009
Hit Me with Your Best Shot...actually don't please?!
Too many life lessons are hitting me at the same time, and I don't have time to catch my breath inbetween. Another hits before I even have time to fully grasp the previous one...
That's all I have to say. I'm whiney right now.
That's all I have to say. I'm whiney right now.
