Kennedy Goodness

Sitting at kennedy, forgot a pen, however I did remember my journal...which presents quite a problem...resulting in my need to blog.  Need to journal some how! :) 


First of all, I'm sitting at my favorite local coffee shop and it's decked out for the season. Poinsettias are beautifully dispersed throughout, there are icicle lights hanging from the ceiling...it's quite lovely. Another thing great about this place, in the past 3 days of being here, I have seen over 4 men reading scripture and accompanying texts.  Oh bible belt, how I missed you.  Such a beautiful thing to see men reading and studying scripture, Praise God!!! 


Had a thought this morning-what if ever time we thought about someone we prayed for them? Prayer is such a powerful thing and is too often forgotten.  


A dear friend of mine told me about how you can download John Pipers books for free from his website, a pdf file.  I've been wanting to read his book "This Momentary Marriage", and now I get to! About 30 pages in, so good, quotes to come. 


This is an A.D.D. blog at its finest, but I'm home for Christmas and its different this time and I love it. 

He is Enough

One of my biggest things lately...well there's a few...but one of them is living a lifestyle of thanksgiving. 


I've been so convicted lately about my lack of thankfulness.  The Lord is so good, and no matter the circumstances I should be thankful and praising His name, because goodness knows He has already worked it out to bring Himself glory-and shouldn't that be enough?


I'm not quite sure what my deal is, but lately everything brings me to tears.  I was telling Brett today on our car ride to La Jolla about a story of something that occurred at work last night and I was overwhelmed by the joy of the Lord.  The Lord's faithfulness, provision, and just goodness in general has overtaken me and the result-tears of joy.  Work has been such an incredible opportunity for me to live out what I say I believe (James 1:22-24 status).  Praise God for His provision!!! 




 1.      the act of giving thanks; grateful acknowledgment ofbenefits or favors, esp. to god.

2.

an expression of thanks, esp. to God.

3.

a public celebration in acknowledgment of divine favor orkindness.

4.

a day set apart for giving thanks to God.

Home, I'm ready for you.

I don't know how I continually get to this point, time and time again.  The point where I realize that I have been trying to manage to get by in life on my own, days where I forget to surrender and give my flesh to the Lord. 


Praise God for His grace though!!! Immeasurable, unattainable, but continual grace....that is so undeserving but thats what makes it such an incredible gift. 


When life gets busy, my time with the Lord dwindles...which means everything else starts to wilt as well. Im in that spot again, but so thankful that in 2 weeks, 2 weeks from today to be exact I get to go home.  I get to escape from the routine for a while and spend as much time with the Lord as I want.  I won't be busy with school, work, and other such obligations...ahh I'm so excited. I pray the Lord teaches me to seek Him even in the crazy times....


Ive been told numerous times that I won't always have time to spend as much "time" with the Lord as I need or want or He deserves...but that I just have to walk in the spirit throughout the day, and pray without ceasing. And I get that...and I hear where those people are coming from...but if you know anything at all about me, you know that I love one on one time-quality time, that is intimately and deeply spent. I need actual tangible time to sit and rest at the feet of my Savior and dwell in His goodness. 


Home, I'm ready for you. 

Not My Will but Thine

I don't know about you but what I desire to "be" when I "grow up" continually changes...


When I was 8 I wanted to be a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner...(however you might spell that)...then an Optometrist (aka an eye doctor)...then a Nascar driver (speed is fun)...then at one point I thought about being a teacher (then I realized I wouldn't have a subject to teach)...owning a business sounded fun, or working my way up, either way (this has been the most recent goal)...


I never cease to be amazed at how the Lord changes the desires of our hearts as we grow in our relationship with Him. I love when my will or what I think is my will, aligns with His...and His desires and my desires begin to mesh beautifully together. My latest aspiration is to work until I have a child...then my child becomes my work. I want to be an amazing mother that cooks fabulous meals and invites old dear friends over to fellowship with. I want to laugh with them, cry with them, pray with them...serve my husband, pray for my family so devotedly...


I know it won't always be a perfect picture, or easy by any means, but all the more reason to cling together with the Lord as our guide (James 1:2-4). Today in chapel we talked about what it looks like to be a godly woman and I left just so encouraged and empowered to spend more time in the word and more time on my knees before the Lord. I hope you got the same. 


I pray the Lord uses me to be a Proverbs 31 woman...

The Escape

 The welcoming of a familiar face...the embrace of a dear friend...the familiar face anticipating every need I might have...my favorite little table-the one in the corner that sits unusually high but gets the greatest view...the warm lighting that makes any stranger feel at home...the specifically chosen music that perfectly illustrates the uniqueness of each individual behind the counter...


This place is much more than a coffee shop, it is near and dear to my heart. I have gathered here with my friends over the past eight years and when I allow my mind to be consumed by it I see a real of film playing through the different scenes and emotions. When life's crazy antics become too pressing-I escape.  This place is one full of endearment from those behind the counter to the those whom I am blessed to be accompanied by. This place has served as a medium for amazing times spent with lifelong friends, endless times filled with laughter, the inescapable tears of joy and tears of heartache, a place where I can study for those too long procrastinated assignments, a place where when I am burdened by so many thoughts swirling through my head I can escape and pound them out in the movement of my wrist along the pages...this place consumes my thoughts with incredibly blessed memories. This place is more than just a coffee shop, it is a fond memory. A memory filled with memories...of years gone by. 


This place is much more than a coffee shop, you have served your community well.  You provided a venue for intimate and personal encounters, with an endearing connection from those behind the counter to those whom walk through the door.  Never lose that. 


Sometimes people ask me why I go there so often, and so one day I finally sat down and really thought about it.  I now know why...

Chiseled

It has been far too long, and that is all I have to say about that.

Life, what God's been up to, the challenges, the encouragements, the love, the people...the endless life lessons....lately I feel as though I am a little piece of wood being chiseled away by God's whittle.  I have no clue where to begin to write because it has been, as said above, far too long...so for some reason I feel led to just give the key words/phrases....

-My souls depravity=making me so aware of my need for God
-The more God uses me for the purpose of others, the less selfish I become
-Selfishness vs Selflessness
-Pure love, unconditional love, free of expectations/achievements
-Learning more and more each day lived is not about me or what I may think I want
-Pray without ceasing
-Process of sanctification
-Awareness of the battle and eternity that souls may spend in hell if intentionality isn't lived out, not that I can bring salvation, but God can use me to plant seeds to bring others to that point of desperation for Christ in their lives
-Life in private matching life in public, but really...life in public matching life in private (think about that one)....so often the emphasis is put on how much sin & depravity we live out when we are in private that we would never publicly make aware....however, what if the emphasis was put on how we live out life publicly matching how we live privately...I feel like that is more of a "hope" statement...if you live your life publicly loving on others and praying, demonstrating selflessness and generosity for others to see, but  in private you are seeking self-gratification, etc....I don't know...it makes sense in my head
-member those cheesy WWJD bracelets...man, that thought carries so much weight with me lately...seriously, in EVERY situation if I take the time to consider what Jesus would have done or how He would have responded....hmmm

Until next time.
Live life intentionally.
Love others.
Pray constantly.

Friday, June 11th

A journal entry that brought forth reflection...usually it's the opposite ;) please read...

Last Friday, June 11th we woke bright and early and you drove 4 1/2 hours south and I drove 5 hours north with the parentals. The day was perfect. Location did not matter, all I wanted was to be with you, in your presence, spending time together. We could have been in the middle of the desert and I would have been just as excited! It took a little to find you, nerves built, anxiety set in, then, in the middle of the baseball parking lot, there you were! More handsome than ever, and I fell more in love with you. The rest of the details of the day begin to run together in my mind, but we held hands like giddy 13 year olds holding hands with their first boyfriend/girlfriend. I pray we never lose that. We smiled, and laughed, you held me close, you provided for me, I couldn't get enough of your presence-of your love. I was so gluttonous, ha! And as the day came to a close we met up with my parents in the 'Italian District' in St. Louie called The Hill. We all ate dinner, and conversed, but we all knew the time was coming for us to separate again but noone was going to say it. We held hands under the table. For me, I wanted to hold onto every last bit of you that I could up till that final moment.

Time progressed and there we were, two young kids in love, walking along the streetside, awaiting the inevitable. We held hands, we held eachother, you gave me a piggy back ride and I kissed your cheek right by your little mole that I adore. Time to go. It was a great day. I love you sweetheart until next time our paths cross, which who knows, only God!

....Now as I wrote that in my journal, I became convicted...that love that I have for Brett..that anxiousness to spend time with him, where I didn't care where I was or what I was doing, that I just wanted to be in his presence and so desparately spend time with him...I sometimes lose sight of that with the Lord. I sometimes lose sight of that with Brett too though. And once again, God brought me to my knees and I fell more in love with Him. He began through that conviction to re-priortize His place in my life, and for that I am so thankful. I never want to be more in love with anything or anyone more than I am with the Lover and Savior of my soul!!

"The Heart Set To Do The Father's Will Need Never Fear Defeat"

This past year has been nothing but a whirlwind and fluctuation of emotions, thoughts, occuring events...but one thing always remains constant, my God.  Summer allows for some time to unwind from the rigorous day to day schedule that can be seemingly mundane.  Not really sure what I will do without a summer break after I graduate next year, I have had one for the past 17 years of my life...hmm.

I am currently reading "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot, if you have not already read this book you should (male or female), its grand.  Some quotes from the book that perhaps will heighten your level of intrigue...

        "If there is an Enemy of Souls (and I have not the slighest doubt that there is), one thing he cannot abide is the desire for purity. Hence a man or woman's passions become his battleground...The Lover of Souls does not prevent this....He wants us to learn to use our weapons."

        "Until the will and the affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not begun to understand, let alone to accept, His Lordship."

        "If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."

hmm more to come

Road Map

Many thoughts streaming through my head as I sit at this lifted table against the back window of my school library. With all the rain that we have had, its gorgeous outside. The blinds were basically yelling at me to be opened, I think they wanted to be able to see out just as much as I did....

I kind of want to write about the voice behind the pages of a journal. The essence of journaling. The tangible pages that make up a journal and a lifetime of memories, ideas, pain, struggle, joy....

I kind of want to write about how we go through life from birth till we graduate college (if you so choose that route) with life being programmed for us. Then we get to the end of the road map that's been laid out and we freak out because the next step is no longer chosen for us, we have to choose. But we never learned to choose. We have been told since a wee age to go to school, graduate from high school, go to college, graduate from college...then what? For those that weren't encouraged to graduate from high school or college, I wonder what their thought pattern looks like....

I kind of think that I am hindered due to all of my contemplation. I think every thing out so thoroughly that I am stifled. I see the consequences, I see the benefits, and I sit here and observe everyone else doing life while I am afraid to fail, so I do nothing. However, I am always here for a good word of advice or just to listen because I see and think about everything going on, I just never am the one that does it. Oh geez I just opened up a whole new can of worms...

Without Ceasing

I read this at starbucks this morning on a little bench enjoying the brisk air and the company of strangers....

"All these were continually united in prayer" (Acts 1:14)
A simple phrase made up of 7 words....with an extremely powerful message. Continually united in prayer. Geez, continually, as in always. United, with fellow believers. Prayer, nonetheless.

That short statement put my flesh in check so fast. I found it to be extremely convicting...

Con-tin-u-al-ly
–adverb

1.  very often; at regular or frequent intervals; habitually.
2.  without cessation or intermission; unceasingly; always.

U-nit-ed
-adjective
1.  made into or caused to act as a single entity:  a united front.

Fake it Till You Make it...?

We live in a world with this mentality of fake it till you make it no matter what the situation. If you don't know what you are doing or if you aren't necessarily the best at something appear like you are until you convince everyone or until you actually become just that good at it.


Right before I crashed in bed the other night, this concept replayed randomly in my mind. I quickly equated it to our walks with the Lord. I was soooo tired though that I repeated it several times in my head, hoping the next day I would wake up and be able to recall it so that I could write this blog. I was too exhausted and too lazy just to type a brief little note in my phone as a reminder, so the repitition and the praying that the Lord would remind me the following day was going to have to do the trick!


Clearly I remembered...even though this is days later.


Basically though, I feel like that same mentality has infiltrated our being and even our walks with the Lord. We fake our walk with the Lord till its believable. This results in a lack of accountability, because to everyone else it looks like we are just where we are supposed to be. Keyword there though, 'looks'. With a little digging one could easily find that these people are broken.


I'll probably expand on this later...but this is getting long.

Narnia

Yesterday was one of those days were every inhale of fresh air felt like new life being breathed into me. It was one of those days were the Lord restored every inkling of my being that had been drained through the course of the semester. I felt like myself. From the moment I rose out of bed, I was in communion with the Lord till the moment when my head finally rested on that pillow again. It was a beautiful day full of conversations about the Lord. Not just the ones that allow you to feel encouraged and complacent but the ones that leave you feeling encouraged and challenged to grow.

Yesterday I drove with a friend down to Peets in Hillcrest. Coffee in a house cup sounded delightful, so that was the initial reason for going, but the result of it ended up being so much greater than just a cup of coffee and an awesome friend to converse with. I got to be myself, ask questions, listen, ask more questions, listen...drink coffee while the moon just barely came out in the dark sky. Loud 'clubbish' sounding music was playing at a nearby restaurant.

There is so much more I felt and thought, but the words are unable to be verbalized. But this verse brings me so much joy...."Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful" John 14:27

The Lord does NOT give to us as the world does, geez, He blows my mind.

Caught In the Rip Tide

It is so easy to go through the motions of the day. See the same people you always see and let moments of opportunity pass you by. It's that time in the year again where I begin reflecting on months passed by and I start analyzing the good, the bad, and the ugly. I walked into the bathroom this morning. I saw a few girls that reside in the same hall as me. Natural response, "hey, how are you?"...but as I continued my journey to the stall I wanted to ask something deeper, "truly, what's going on in your life?"..."who is someone that has impacted your life, why do you look up to them?"...

I flushed the toilet, left the stall, and did nothing.

And I sit here days later, analyzing my actions and thoughts, and am appaulled by my lack of willingness to be used by God lately. I am such a selfish being, and I am so aware. God makes me so aware and convicts me nearly every time. Where is my head lately? I feel like it's in the clouds just floating along. I feel stifled by the enemy.

I feel like I'm caught in a rip tide that keeps getting pushed further out in the abyss and the shore is slipping out of sight. But then the Lord gives me verses like in James where it says "may the testing of your faith produce endurance. Endurance must do its complete work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing". Hope.

Soapbox.

I wrote this note in my phone, and I don't feel like further expanding on the idea for the time being. So here the note is...in a very raw form...

Compartmentalizing God for the sake of the human finite mind to attempt to comprehend God's greatness. But when searching for answers and proofs don't we take away the mystery of who God is? When we reason things out it takes less faith to believe. Why in the world would we want reason and logic over faith and mystery? That in itself seems illogical. Debates over Armeniansism verse Calvinism drive me crazy. Yes study God's greatness, He is truly amazing. But don't put God in a small box restricted by the confines and limitedness of our minds and understanding.

That is all.

Summer 2010 Style

1. Read lots of books
2. Learn how to cook
3. Work a lot/save a lot
4. Spend time with Josh and Daniel
5. Write
6. Have good convos with as many ppl as God has me encounter
7. Discover a new depth in my relationship with the Lord
8. Try to get a camera and get that ball rolling
9. Look for new hobbies

Part 2: All 'A' Honor Roll

Where has this all left me today?
  Thankful for the Lord and His enlightenment.

It's a weird thing to go from being extremely task oriented to realizing you have options and knowing that you will be loved no matter what. I knew the Lord loved me regardless, and I am so thankful for that, but that verse about not doing work for man's approval or for this world, I suppose that didn't fully sink in.

I am experiencing a freedom like I have never felt. But with that, I am just now taking on hobbies that aren't just working my butt off through being a work-a-holic.

I am 22. I have no hobbies other than photography and reading. I don't even have a camera because it scares me to spend that much money when I have so many loans. I hadn't ridden a bike since I was 12 probably until this past year. I haven't enjoyed being in water since I was 12ish or so.

So here I am...with a plethora of options in front of me, all of which, Im eagerly and anxiously wanting to explore.

Part 1: All 'A' Honor Roll

My 'world' began unraveling day one of my San Diego adventure that started August of 2008. Everything I put stock and found value in that was not from God has slowly been revealed to me throughout the past 2 years. It has rocked me.

A little preface. Growing up in a family of 7 children is a blessing, but it's a tough road. When I was little getting my parents approval and attention equaled love in my eyes. What was my avenue of achieving such love (please note I said 'achieve love')?? I got attention through accomplishing things. I was naturally pretty good at school, so academics seemed to be the obvious choice. I worked my butt off when I was in 2nd grade to get that little lamented gold card that said "all A honor roll" which meant I got a free ice cream in the cafeteria. It also gave me bragging rights at home. I got all the attention I could ever dream of when I was successful, or at least that's how I conditioned myself.

Almost 2 decades down the road I was introduced to the concept of love without works. This may throw some of you, I did in fact receive the Lord as my Savior when I was 8. I suppose I never made the connection that people were even remotely capable of that unconditional kind of love that came without works.

Thoughts Without Release

Do you have songs that speak the words that your heart feels but yet can't release? I have so many. I am not a verbalize, although I love writing. I love the release that I feel when I write.

Middle of nowhere

Finally you can breathe

Nobody knows your name

It's easier

Shut your eyes tightly

Clench your fists 'til they almost bleed

Cautiously, lightly
Gently expose what's underneath

And all you feel now

Is the scarlet in your day

Even it's real

You can't stay...

So there you go

You're gone for good

There you go

You're gone for good

Your mind is swollen

From months of thought without release
They've taken their toll on you

This very moment

Of timid and fragile honesty

Is precious and rare and fleeting

And all you feel now

Is the scarlet in your day

Even it's real

You can't stay...

**Scarlet-Brooke Fraser**

My Life is Like Twisted Bed Sheets

Most of you that are currently reading this know me rather well. So the fact that I have random thoughts like the one I am about to share with you really won't come as much of a shock.

Last night, as I ran through my standard 'I am about to go to bed' routine which consists of changing my clothes, brushing my teeth, washing the face, memorizing what my floor looks like before I take the blind little run from turning off my lights against one wall to getting into bed without stubbing a toe or tripping...I realized something.

As I pulled back my neatly lined up comforter, I realized that morning I had only pulled up my comforter and made it look nice, however I never fixed the sheets. The sheets were a mess...they were at the foot of the bed, wrapped around itself and all twisted like. Then it came to me...that often my life is like my bed. Wait for it. Often, the top level, the surface, the outer appearance is put together. Without any digging I appear very much so together. But with a little digging, you will find quite the contrary.

I am a mess. Dirty. Unclean. Selfish. Forgetful. But here is the cool part....

The next day, brings new mercies, and the Lord is SOO good. He is incredibly faithful, way far beyond my very finite mind can ever possibly comprehend. Tomorrow (today) I can wake up and 'make my bed' (for the sake of this story), but I can choose to die to my flesh and walk with Christ. To have it somewhat more together in my spirit and soul!!

That is all. :)

Pre-1,500 Mile Move

Life prior moving to San Diego was interesting, to say the least. I thought I had everything so planned out. I was 20, I had graduated from high school, worked 'real' 9-5 Mon-Fri jobs, and I knew what I wanted for my future. Here is my plan when I was 20...

• Get a Business Degree
• Graduate
• Enter Corporate America and climb to the top
• Minister to those around me
• Establish myself
• Be financially 'secure' and have plenty to give to my brother and his wife to do missions
• Get married later, as in 30 sounds great
• Have children eventually

In general that was my amazing 'plan' for my life. Please note I said 'my' life, and not the life God had given me. I had completely lost site of what the Lord wanted and the crazy part was, I thought I was doing it all right.

 

Nearly 2 Years Later

It is crazy how much God changes things over the period of nearly 24 months. It's simply unexplainable. It's funny how much God has changed my priorities, convicted me, and put desires in my heart that I never even knew I possessed.


I was scanning a book the other day and something I was really drawn to is this idea that God knows us way better than we could ever possibly know ourselves so why in the world do we always try (keyword 'try') to control our circumstances/future. If we could just completely trust in the Lord based off the idea in Psalm 37 about 'delighting in Him and He will fulfill the desires of your heart', then I can't comprehend ever choosing things for myself. He knows my desires. He knows me better than I know myself. The book was referencing to the sense of the guy choosing his future wife verse the Lord. The guy fell to his knees surrendered his personal agenda and gave his 'love life' (if you will) to the Lord trusting that God could provide Him a far more adequate woman than his flesh could ever choose for himself.


That idea really resonated with me, but in many more ways than a significant other. This could be applied to jobs, school, well truly anything that requires a decision to be made. I am not saying to go out and be indecisive, but why wouldn't we trust the Lord more? He is all knowing, He has our best interest in mind, He is our Father who disciplines us out of love and for the desire to see us grow....hmmm

my body faints for You

I felt extremely convicted by this verse the other day when I read it....

"God, you are my God; I eagerly seek You.

 I thirst for You; my body faints for You..."

Ps. 63:1

I realized the other day that I yearn for things or people of this world more than I yearn for God, at least lately. I want to thirst for the Lord and for nothing or noone else! I want to be satisfied by Him and Him alone. I want to "rejoice in the shadow of Your wings. I follow close to you; Your right hand holds on to me" (ps. 63:7-8).

At the cross You, beckon me

draw me gently to my knees

and i am

lost for words, so

lost in love, i am

sweetly broken, Holy surrender

This vs. That

Okay so my I am about to file my taxes and I REALLY want to use the return for getting my love for photography off the ground which could then be a potential source of income. Aka pay off those ridiculous student loans.

vs.

Or, I could use the return and begin the process of paying off the loans.

The decision:  I would rather take the risk and see the purchasing of equipment as an investment to future income. Once I give that money to pay off loans I see it as potential money that could have been made with a small down payment that just slipped out of my minds because I wanted to take the 'safe' route.

Oh father...how you have influenced my financial ways of thinking...

Penny for Your Thoughts-Photo Editing Edition

I need some thoughts, please please please comment with your personal preferences/thoughts! :)

Which photo editing program do you use?
Why is it the best, or why is it the one you chose?
If you could use a different one, would you? Which one?

I am sure I have other questions, but lets start with this!!
Thanks in advance for your thoughts & suggestions :)

Over Thinking Photography

I've been analyzing photography for a long while coming now. I've come to realize a few things...their photography company is typically their name. This makes me wonder if it is because they are lacking originality or if in fact they want it linked to their name because it comes off more personal, in a way. I still find it lacking umph, meat, originality, or uniqueness if you will.

Also, most photographers have really awesome back drops for photos. The textures in the background make the picture. Either that, or the photo editing that took place to emphasize various things in the photo. If the person has awesome eyes then typically the photo is edited so as to emphasize the color/shape/size/etc.

I've also noticed that photographers have a tendency to find a setting/layering in editing they like and they stick to it.

I came up with some questions when researching....

• Do you get to know the couple/person first so it's easier to determine the shoot location, time of day, editing, etc? I feel like that would be important, so they are uniquely taken for that couple/person.
• Do you bring props or do they?
• Do you choose poses or do they or do they just act natural as you shoot from various angles?

I think I just need to start doing and stop thinking. Sometimes that is the best fix.

Once Upon a Plane Ride..

There are so many ideas swirling through my head that I could write about-being at home, the differences in the family/house, my flights yesterday, what God is teaching me....the list goes on. The one I am choosing to write about today, or right now, because who knows...I could blog again today. But, the one I choose, is Harold. Who's Harold you may ask? Well after a few lines of reading the rest of this blog you will no longer be wondering.

I was the 55th person to board the plane from Phoenix to Little Rock. I barely even made the flight, or at least that is what I thought was going to occur! My flight from Orange County to Phoenix was about 30ish or so minutes behind schedule due to a late departure because of weather. I landed at approximately 11:15am (Arizona time). Next flight scheduled to take off at 11:20am. I became slightly panic stricken, I wanted to go home!! I started praying. After some brisk walking and mild running, I made it over to my other gate. I was pleasantly reassured by the line of people still standing there waiting to board. First thought, pee. Goodness knows those plane bathrooms just don't suffice. On to Harold...

So back to being the 55th person to board the plane. To my extremelyyyy pleasant surprise and bewilderment...the front row on the left side still had 2 seats remaining, 1 of which was the window seat. I was seriously shocked that no one jumped on the opportunity for a window seat in the front row, which means you have at least an extra 12 inches of leg room, and you get to be one of the first to get off the plane. God knows that I get extremely restless and antsy on planes, I think he saved it for Harold and me. After boarding, it took nearly an hour to take off...we were in line behind 12-13 planes.

In the mean time, this little old man was the last to board. He was well dressed, looked like a golfer. He also appeared quite friendly. The lady came over the intercom and said it was going to be a completely full flight. The seat to my left was still open. The old man made his way to the front and took the seat next to me. We started talking, we never stopped talking. The longest pause in conversation was 3 minutes, if even.

Harold was quite the business man. He grew up in Alabama, southern baptist, one of the 3 kids-he was the middle. He is the owner or partial owner of 3 companies. He told me all about them. I learned SO much about him and from him in that 3 1/2 hours. He has been happily married for 52 years...he says Californians look at him like he's crazy for being married that long. He told me about the up and coming inventions and products that are about to be huge. We talked about real estate (he is a real estate agent as well). He told me about the crop circles outside the window (he was an agricultural major in college). He told me about his favorite states, cities, and countries (he has been to every state multiple times, except Alaska). By the way, I was asking questions...he didn't just offer all of this. He asked me about myself a lot as well. I told him about how I ended up in California, my major, my dad's job, I taught him how to play Sudoku, I told him about crocheting, about how I love photography, about Arkansas...but mostly I enjoyed just listening to him.

He is 74...I asked him if he planned on retiring, he said only when his health fails him and smiled. He told me how is wife thinks he's crazy for taking on new projects. He told me about not having electricity until he was 8, and a tv until he was 18 and how his grandchildren can't even comprehend what that is like. He told me about being on a company plane when it crashed (while we were on the plane.....not cool Harold). He told me to email him when I graduate and he would give me a job and handed me a business card.

This is long, and this isn't even the half of it. I love meeting people on planes. I love meeting people full of life experience and wisdom, especially if they are willing to share some of it with me.

Another amazing flight full of interesting convos.

-Until next Monday.

My Prayer. My Hope.

When the day is done

And there's no one else around

While I'm lying here in bed

You're in my heart, You're in my head

You're all I need, You're all I need

There are a million voices

Calling out my name

But You're the One I want to hear

So make the others disappear

You are all I need when I'm surrounded

You are all I need if I'm by myself

You fill me when I'm empty

There is nothing else

YOU'RE ALL I NEED

When the morning comes

And Your mercy is renewed

There's a fire in my bones

I'm not afraid to go alone

You're all I need

You're all I need

The sun on my face

I hear You whisper loud

You're still the God that opens seas

Every flower, even me

You're all I need
You're all I need

I'm drawn to everything that You do

Nothing compares with You

A Lot to Consider

Observing people fascinates me. The things they say, what they do, how they react, the way they dress, down to how they talk. The things they value or seem to value based off their conversations, etc.

All of which leads me to question what I say, what I do, how I react, how I dress, they way I speak and interact, the things I appear to value versus what is truly important to me.

Now I am sitting here and it's February but I am already trying to plan the fall semester. Where will I live? Who with? Where will I work? How will I afford everything? And I sit here left with a few thoughts....1. God already knows and that fact alone gives me peace....2. If I move off campus and get a job, life becomes a little more complicated. More about work and less about people...is that selfish?..3. Should my Senior year be a repeat of high school? More work, less pay, a lot of responsibilities, and a lot of relationships fall through the cracks...

A lot to consider..

Incessant Questioning

Today I recalled my 10th grade year, specifically my Advanced Algebra II class. Why is this significant I am sure you are wondering?...Well it was the first time I remember being a mindless form complying to the 'system', that would be the educational system.

My teacher got so angered by my incessant questioning. I was the student that asked what the purpose of learning algebraic equations. She would just say because you will use it in life. I then would continue asking when in life because honestly I didn't see when algebraic equations would ever be used in my life.  

That year and that teacher are what made me realize to just shut up and do it. Whether I believed it or not, whether I saw a purpose or not, those things no longer mattered. She made it clear that it did not matter what I thought, that I just had to do it because that is the way it has always been done.

I continued that route through highschool, how else would I have gotten a 4.2 my senior year if I didn't just become mindless and comply to the antics of the flawed educational system. I am back to seeing the value of questioning. What we are asked to learn should make us better suited for life. Does it? I'm still left pondering that one.

and so IT begins

Ever since the first time I held my first disposable camera when I was about a foot and a half shorter I have loved capturing life in a still frame. Something about it just excited me. Something about it drew me in instantly and has yet to loosen its grip of desire.

I love capturing those little moments that would have otherwise gone forgotten. I skim through old photos and that little piece of paper with splashes of color breaths to life that moment all over again. The conversations that were occuring, the scenery, the interactions.

It never grows tiring, I always enjoy it. There is always something to be captured. Always something to be observed. Always something to learn and absorb into my soul.

And so begins my journey. First step, purshasing my first SLR.

Mi Familia

This would be my family minus my parents. My siblings and I surprised them for Christmas with this picture of all the kids and their signifcant others and now their grandchild too! 2 are on the way in this photo also :)

So starting from the back left we have Joshua or Joshie as I like to call him, he's the youngest.

Then we have Mark, Markie :), he is the 2nd oldest and the oldest of the brothers..

Next is Gary, he is my oldest sisters husband and they are expecting another in July!

Now we have Aaron, or A-ron, he is the 3rd oldest (2nd oldest broseph)..

Daniel is the 2nd youngest, he's only 16, but he's never looked his age.

Now I am clearly on the front left, I am the middle child of the 7 children and the middle of the Girls

Then we have Sofia, she is Mark's wife, she is from Namibia and they are due at the beginning of April :)

Next is my oldest sissie, Jessica (Jessie), she has her son Carson and one on the way

Beside her is Stephanie, she is Aaron's girlfriend of several years, not exactly sure how long lol..

Last but definitely not least is Jenny, or JenLynn, she is the 5th in line and the youngest of the girls

So here's my current family, but at this rate we are going to expand rapidly. But then again, I guess we haven't ever really been that small of a family.

<3

Luke Warm Latte-Yuck

Another bloggie from my journal. :)

I've noticed among myself and others an abundance of blaming things on the enemy. I feel like this is a fine line. There is a fine line between never owning up and taking responsibility for your actions and discrediting the enemy. Clearly he is powerful and evil and would like to do anything in his power to pull us into complacency and being comfortable-luke warmness! Rev. 3:14-22 in the letter to Laodicea warns about not being hot nor cold.

The enemy wants to destroy the Lord's kingdom and suffocate the passion of believers so that we come like a stagnant river just festering disease. 

Take up your sword and the full armor of God daily! "Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight for the faith; take hold of eternal life, to which you were called..." 1 Tim. 6:11-12

If someone tried to tell you to drink their luke warm latte and it was your first time to try it...would you be compelled to want to taste that again? Why would you do that with your Christianity and love for the Lord...

22nd Year

This is a journal entry from my birthday...


It's my 22nd year today, thank you Lord for a very blessed 21 years of life. Thank you for being faithful and providing. Thank you for encouragement and strength at all times! This past year has been an eventful one amidst the birth of Carson, Mark & Jessica's weddings, God revealing to me the different areas of sin in my life that I really struggle. Lord God my shelter from the storm, my hiding place where I can dwell in Your spirit-I thank you for the testings and the growth that have occured over this past year.


Lord I devote my 22nd year and those years ahead that You do or don't give me to further Your kingdom. I pray for boldness to speak of You when I feel timid or uncomfortable. Help me to learn what it means to die to my flesh and my selfish desires daily. I pray to be a more devoted in prayer and word woman of God, that my thoughts and deeds would have a pure motive-to glorify You and and You alone.


Thank you for life, for forgiveness that runs much deeper than I can ever fully comprehend. Lord use me. Break down my selfish, stubborn nature so that I may glorify You purely, separate from my flesh.


Thank you God for this day, for another year of life, and hard but good lessons!!


I love you always,
Me