If I haven't heard it once, then I have probably heard it a million times....the amount people change while in college. I have yet to fully grasp the concept, and I probably never will. I don't know about anyone else, but this past 8 months have been a fat dose of a reality check, in a beautiful tear-jerking, stomach-aching, kind of way.
March of 2008 I decided to move 1,500 miles across the country to a lovely land called California. I suppose I didn't actually decide to move here, the Lord put the desire in my heart and set up the right people in my life since I was 13 to start paving the way for this all to occur. Never in a million years would I have ever considered myself (pre-moving) a crier. Goodness was I wrong. The loneliness, the feeling of being undiscovered...you know, the feeling of being surrounded by a sea of people but feeling incredibly and inexplainably alone. That was me, it still is sometimes, but that is something I have to give to the Lord. My first trial was learning that no matter how alone I am I always have the Lord. God and me, we became best friends pretty quickly. I have had moments in my life where I had to cling close to my bible and the Lord, but never for such an extended period of time have I ever felt SO dependent on the Lord. That time was a blessing. I learned what time with God, dependence on God, surrender to God, truly looked and felt like for my life. I say 'my life', because all relationships look different for different people. Anyway, that was a little side note.
Since that time, I won't claim that I have had the most consistent relationship, because that would be false. But, what I will say, is that my time with God has grown to a much more complex thing. I can no longer just be satisfied with praying before bed. Or perhaps just opening my bible on Sunday. Or fasting every once in a while, when in all actuality I wasn't fasting for the Lord but for selfish, outward appearance reasons. God has taken me to new heights that I never want to leave. I just want to keep climbing closer and closer to my Father, until that day where I get to cuddle up in His lap as His child. You may want to know what the picture of my relationship with Him looks like now...I would tell you, but it will probably be different tomorrow. I am one of those who is in constant need of change, so I don't have a 'set' plan. It's turned into more of a talking to throughout the day, listening to worship at nearly all times, reading my bible...you get the idea.
Listening to worship at nearly all times...boy oh boy is that a topic I could talk about for hours. Okay, so maybe not literally hours, because I am a little more to the point than that, but yeah. One more thing then I will have a separate blog at a later, unknown, date...listening to worship (instead of secular music) has made one of the BIGGEST differences in my personality, mood, consistency in my relationship with the Lord, etc.
I should probably be studying for finals....I suppose that will come at some point.
Bye for now...sorry that was cut off.
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